Today is so far so good. Been writing which always seems to make the day far brighter than it should do. I think that if I don't get a release creatively I feel like I will explode. That is not to say that by simply writing has cleared my mind of the frustrations that engulf my life. Nope. I still feel shit, just found an outlet for it. Not that I wrote to much today. Did about five pages of the novel which is working for me really well. And did some work on possible TV show of the future Darkness Rising.

For those that have ever followed the show and are interested I will eventually be attempting to get the website back up and running. But here is where I am with thr show at the moment. It is in its third season and up to episode six I think.

Emanations
RADICAL MOVEMENTS AND REVELATIONS. John has had his fate explained to him and he doesn't like it. It continues to mess with his head and has decided, at the urge of Laura to vist a therapist. Peter has been altered to the slayings of Trust members which include a former friend of his and he tries to make contact with Jennifer, an elusive Trust member who tried to bring it down when she discovered Omega had taken over. Meanwhile VCD member and boss of Omega is approached by a millionair businessman who is interested in the Omega's plans and most notably Sarah Redmond who is now with child.

There will be two episodes to follow that will end this third season. Hopefully a website will follow, most likely attached to the sketchbook website.

Had my telephone interview with PC world. Went well, went well enough that I have an instore interview on bloody sunday. Oh fudge. I don't want this, but hey I need it.

CURRENT MOOD: positive for now
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 'Lucky Denver Mint' by Jimmy Eat World

I have a telephone interview tomorrow for a job at PC world. Yay. As much as I need work, I really can't be bothered with the whole damn thing. Sure it will give me something to do, but it will take away the time I have to write, the time I have to finish things that demand to be finished. Fuck working, fuck life. Its a good thing that I may get something from this interview, but fuck it, why oh why should I even have to work inorder to have money that will pay for me to continue living. That is why life is a joke, it is not free and it is not fun unless you can afford it. Regardless of what you would do with the money if you had it you would therefore enjoy it so much more. It would allow oppertunities to be presented to you, it would allow you to get out of the house and do something, to entertain yourself etc etc.

I feel sick. Sick with an anger that only really hits me when everything seems to come into perspective. I have a good life, its not too hard, i just don't want it. Its not for me. Not now. Maybe I can mould it into something I want, but to do that I have to continue with this unrelenting bullshit that finds its way into my lap. I feel like crying, I ache everywhere. I hate this bullshit. Fuck this all. Fuck everything.

I have love in my life. Its great, it paints this world for me, takes the black and white shit that everthing is and colours it beautifully. But it hurts.

CURRENT MOOD: Reflective, angry, envious
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 'to be the one' by IDAHO

The book is my all encompasing power. Don't worry I haven't gone all biblical on ya ass! It's just that I have now decided, well decided a long time ago that this novel, this novel that I am struggling to get written is my ovewrall goal, the one thing I have to do in order to carry on. It needs to be published, it needs to be read, it needs to be understood, loved, hated, misunderstood, but it has to be read. It has to give me some money, it is the only thing I can do, the only thing i have confidence in, I feel that this, that writing is the one and only thing I am good at. I need this.

CURRENT MOOD: driven.
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 'What a day day' by FOG

The last weekend I have struggled to keep everything that makes me feel like I will combust inside me. But sunday it exploded. I feel empty, I feel useless I feel powerless to move and say anything. I know that if I even think about opening my mouth I will destroy something, I will mess something upset, I will upset someone. Because, in the face of it all, that is what I am good at doing, I am good at fucking things up. I am told that I am confusing, that I am not as bad as I make out that I should try and talk about my feelings, that I should chill out, that I should sort it out. I am told a lot of things. Sometimes I wish I had never been born, or that I could have an on off switch, something to help me escape this humdrum, pathetic exsitence that has been put before me. Sure I could change it, sure I could do something about it, but would my life being any different make me happy?

CURRENT MOOD: Three guesses....
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: The annoying voice of reason...

The start of another week, hopefully not lousy, but then its not really up to me.

The Laughing Gas front is a little slow this week not moving further than last week. In fact I haven't written anything in a week. Bloody hell! what have I been doing then? Not a great deal.

One Man & His Axe
The second sketchbook film to follow Grimm has been written. It is a love story concerning two serial killers, one male and one female. It is a story of how they meet and how they fall in love with each other. It's very fucked up to say the least. Currently I am set to photograph it as I did with Grimm and Dan Gitsham, whom I have the misfortune sometimes to live with. I say sometimes because he can be a good guy, but then, well, I guess he can be the exact opposite. Anyway, a website should follow for sketchbook pictures soon which will have all the information you could possibly want.

CURRENT MOOD: Passively bored and still slightly annoyed
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 'For me this is Heaven' by Jimmy Eat World

It's Tuesday, hurrah. It's the same as yesterday, but in this fair country it is slightly warmer than it was 24 hours ago.

Woke up this morning, wishing I was still alseep so I decided to put on the TV. Mindless TV I have you know and I get no pleasure out of watching morning television! Anyway, I was watching when suddenly all channels buggered off! It suddenly fucked up. Things like that, technology pissing up, irritates me so much. And it is hot so I get all the more angry. But screw that. Need to apply for more jobs and get some books out for an arse hole essay I have to rewrite.

On the Laughing Gas front of things and the writing things in general. Things are a rocking and a rolling. Wrote ten pages yesterday in a few hours which I was really pleased with, but then again I have re-read it yet so there may still be time for me to find out that i suck in general at writing. The book so far, according to those who have read it, is directionless, and if there was a direction it has yet to happen. The direction will unfold, the best stories unfold at a pace, they unfold with the character, we get to know him and it unfolds. It unfolds you see! Currently the book has introduced us to the main character Jack, his life, his feelings on the world, his friends and his ex-girlfiend, his drug use and his strange mind, and the thing that seems to be munching its way through it, a snake of some sort. Chapter 7 which i am currently writing is all about Jack dreaming, he has gone to bed and has begun dreaming. I have written a sex scene of sorts, my first i might add, and it was very odd writing such a thing, not because I got turned on by it, because I didn't despite what my girlfriend Nikki may say. But it was just kind of weird to be imagining such a thing, especially as i knew what my intent was and what I was going to do with. The chick he is having sex with turns into a snake. Very Freudian I guessssssssss.

Also Darkness Rising season three is slowly getting to its conclusion. Darkness Rising is an idea for a TV show that began about three and ahalf years ago, nearly four years ago. Everyone who ever read it thought it was brilliant, well maybe not brilliant but they all liked it. It is a show that concerns two detectives investigating violent crimes. The twist is that one of the detectives has been given the role of the Luminary, a being of light that acts as the balance between good and evil. The trouble is both good and evil want him and thus a power struggle is ensuing. It is Seven, meets Spawn, meets Monty Python. I think that just about covers it. Anyway there was a website that housed the first two seasons but that has kinda got lost in the wide world. It was getting a revamp and what is left of that site is still up.
Take a ganders if you will.

Films you must see Punch- Drunk Love and Adapatation. Bought both recently and they rock. Also any Bruce Campbell fans must check out the trailer for his new film Bubba Ho-Tep. looks very cool! Unlike me who is sweating profoundly, for a skinny guy I sure do drip with the sweat, explains why i'm skinny i guess.


CURRENT MOOD: hot and annoyed
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 'Clarity' by Jimmy Eat World

Dark, sometimes colourless. Never really colourful. Thick and meaningful and full of the things that made Jack tick. He laid on the thick oil paints that he scooped up from his pallet and plastered it on the canvas that held several other layers of paint. From this point it looked like nothing, but to Jack it was everything. From the point of nothing thoughts grow and circle one another, Jack applied the paint some more, the meaning is there, the idea too, Jack swirled the colourless colours of purples, Grays, blacks and whites all over the space, he was gathering his thoughts. Jack would listen to what would call him inside; he would remember his relationship with a girl who tried to kill him, but never in such a way that would be considered murder. He would think of the dark and the light that she brought with her and took away. Never happy, only content. That was his feeling on the whole thing.


Above is an extract from a novel I am writing. So by that you might argue that I am a struggling unemployed writer. The novel is called Laughing Gas and is a semi autobiographical novel concerning a man who is a painter who has lost his girlfriend and has a snake in his head and is slowly plunging into a depressive state that could end the whole world. This is my first novel that I have attempted to write and am still writing. It has take a year to get fifty pages into it, but university kinda got in the way. But that is done and kinda dusted, but thats another post.

As well as novelling it, I am also a screenwriter, in the sense that I write films, both short and long and help produce, sometimes direct and star in the shorts that we make and try to send and get shown at festivals!

Currently the group, that is two of us, everyone else fucked off for pastures new or something are trying to get the most recent film Grimm shown at various festivals. It is a film about good and evil, beauty and ugly and how the two can be intertwined in certain circumstances. Loosly based on fairy tales, mixed in with a bit of socially commentary and some would say femmisim. Fuck that, that is all I can say, I never wrote any of that into it.

Basically this little site will act as my own personal axe grinding place and spitball ground for ideas and comments and opinions on all that affects me. There will be a main site arriving soon for the production company that I am involved in called Sketchbook Pictures. Details will follow soon regarding this and other projects.

Meanwhile check out the now old and deformed old production site under the title idiosyncratic pictures.

Keep watching the ground....